Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
