puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
