I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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