There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
