i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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