we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
