Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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