Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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