he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
