Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
