i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
