i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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