I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
