I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
