True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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