Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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