you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize