I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
