i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why do cheetos always look like penises
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
