If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize