community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
