I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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