oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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