I think im going to throw up on grandma
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
