I cannot find my penis.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you inspire me to be a worse person
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
