Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
