My room smells like vodka and shame
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
