so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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