i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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