oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
