it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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