my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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