Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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