my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
