what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
