Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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