He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
