the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize