Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
