that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
