I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
do nipples grow back?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
