I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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