eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
