so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
