this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I had to cum in my sink.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
