i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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