My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
