Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
