Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
