I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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