why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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