You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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