consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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