How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
