i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
