Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
