chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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