know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
