sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
