I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
