dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
