On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
