worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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